Is it time to move in, move out, or run for the hills? To find out, read this book with a partner, a potential partner or alone. Never again will you have to say, "If only I knew then what i know now."
• Commit to a dating relationship • Move in with a love interest • Get engaged • Set a wedding date • Get married • Consider divorce • Pick a life or business partner • Sign a lease with a roommate • Make any major life-changing decision
In general, it's a non-defense-provoking, judgment-free, relationship handbook for thinkers. A tool to help you find the 'love of your life,' or rediscover the love you and your partner had and can share again. It's a self-help head-trip through life, an adventure for your mind, and a great home-party game, plus a great gift item.
More specifically, it’s a fun, easy to use tool designed to help you, the reader, make or reevaluate the most important decisions of your life, those concerning your interpersonal relationships. Whether you're married, coupled, single, divorced, widowed, never married nor coupled, this book will help you see life and relationships in a uniquely clear perspective.
Six Ways This Book Can Help You
Whether single, divorced, widowed, coupled, married, or unmarried; whether you read this book alone or share it with a current or potential partner, this book will help you do six things:
1. Rethink Past Relationships
View your past relationships from a new, non-defensive perspective; learn from those relationships, and put the past to bed.
2. Appraise A Current Relationship
Is life a playground or battleground? Relationships should be fun. If yours is not, you’re doing it wrong, or with the wrong person, or you're their wrong person. In any case, the question is, how long does it take to know someone's character?
Begin by asking yourself, are you made for each other? Are you on the same page intellectually, emotionally, and psychologically, regarding your attitudes about life, relationships, and your worldview?
If your relationship is in trouble, consider a compatibility re-evaluation and reconciliation. The goal is to save and rebuild your relationship, or end it civilly. It's time to decide, is it time to move in, move out, or run for the hills? Either way, make a commitment. Procrastination can be highly stressful and very anxiety producing.
So, how will you know if you and your partner are compatible? Although there is no practical way to keep score, you will know in your gut. Your trust and confidence in your feelings will come as a byproduct of discussing and thinking so clearly about such a wide breadth of issues germane to life and relationships.
To the question of honesty, how will you know if your partner is being truthful. See below for How Do You Get To The Truth.
One interesting test of compatibility is whether your partner is open to reading a book on 'relationship compatibility,' whether together or separately. If they are not open to it, even though there is no dogma or rules to follow, and no right or wrong answers, you might have to wonder, why the reluctance, hmm?
3. Evaluate A Potential Relationship
By intelligently screening a potential partner, this book can help you find the love-of-your-life, or avoid making the biggest mistake of your life. In either case, it will help you make relationship choices that last, or help you to quickly exit relationships that are doomed from the start.
As with evaluating a current relationship, the question is the same. How will you know if you and a potential relationship are truly compatible? See above, Appraise A Current Relationship, 4th paragraph.
To the question of honesty, how will you know if your partner is being truthful. See below for How Do You Get To The Truth.
In short, learn more about a prospective partner in a matter of hours versus wasting days, weeks, months, or even years, dating and vetting a relationship that offers no future. No longer will you have to say, “If only I knew then what I know now."
4. Interview And Profile Yourself
Get into your own head. Take some time out to think calmly and clearly about your life and relationships. Discover whether the relationship you have with yourself is compatible with the life you envision to live?
Discover how unique you really are. Know yourself, your wants, goals, needs, and preferences, as well as your deal breakers, or any other problematic relationship issues that call for transparency, before deciding if you’re compatible with someone else.
Learn more about yourself, from yourself, than you could ever imagine. By increasing your self-awareness, self-knowledge, and embracing your uniqueness, your self-confidence and self-esteem will rise, as a byproduct.
You really are your own BFF. As such, don't let your best friend make a bad relationship decision, if it can be avoided. This book can help you do just that.
5. Overcome The Fear Of Commitment
Read with a partner and you will know whether you’re ready to take the plunge for a long or lifetime commitment.
I believe this book can help couples who would like to get married, but hesitate to commit out of fear. By working and playing with this checklist, couples are better able to face and resolve, in advance, the troublesome issues that many people fight over, argue about, or get divorced over. Doing this openly and honestly in a non-defensive setting can give a hesitant couple the courage and confidence to jump in and begin the adventure of their life.
6. Make Better Life And Relationship Decisions
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, whether your relationship is perfect or rough around the edges, this book will help you examine your values, beliefs, and preferences, so you can make life and relationship decisions with enlightened self-confidence, without buyer’s remorse or second-guessing. In the end, the goal is to avoid the emotional turmoil and financial costs of divorce and starting over.
Who Wrote This Book
My name is Mel Solon, I’m 80 years young. I’ve been in the motivation, personal-development field since 1971. Prior to that, I was a CPA and a stockbroker. After five tax seasons, I was taxed to my limits. After watching the stock market crash during training, I began navel-gazing and contemplating my future. Soon thereafter, I discovered the self-development field.
My background, besides my 48 years of research in the personal development field, includes lessons learned in my 50-year marriage to Bryna, often my business partner, plus my inspiration for writing this book.
Bryna passed three weeks after our 50th anniversary, following a courageous battle with ALS, with me as her 24/7 caregiver.
For you romantics, we met on a Friday at a singles dance at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, got engaged 3-days later on Valentine’s Day, and married 3-weeks later in Vegas.
The Socratic debate is "a form of cooperative argumentative dialogue between individuals based on asking and answering questions to stimulate critical thinking and to draw out ideas and underlying presuppositions."
Whether alone or with a partner, by simply addressing and critically examining this comprehensive checklist of talking points that people argue and fight about, end dating relationships over, and even divorce, you will begin to see life from a new perspective.
Note, that these thought-provoking questions on the dynamics of interpersonal relationships are intertwined with 23 categories of life, super-organized, categorized, and uniquely indexed for quick and easy reference.
As a result of your reading this book, your self-awareness will expand, the dialogues in your mind will be stirred and enhanced. A deluge of options and alternatives to many of life’s problems and questions will surface and flow effortlessly from your core.
You will discover answers to questions about your future — questions you may have never thought to ask — questions that may be controversial or sensitive to broach, but need answering — questions you may not know how to answer, at this time, but you will know that the answer is coming, because the mind doesn't like unanswered questions — lastly, questions that may inspire self-motivated changes in your life and the way you think.
Why This Book Works
The book works because the 'question-approach' works. By simply asking the right questions, you will discover answers to many of life's challenging problems, puzzles, and predicaments.
It works, also, because it accomplishes what it does without a single should, ought, must, or have-to. It doesn't tell you how to think, but only what to think about.
The book, therefore, is nonjudgmental, non-defense provoking, and non-intelligence insulting. There are no right or wrong answers, just your opinions as starting points for discussions with a partner or within yourself, about practically anything and everything.
How To Approach The Questions
The questions are answered Y-N (Yes No) — T-F (True False) — A-B-C (Multiple Choice) — NI (Non-Issue) — PC (Potential Conflict) — DB (Deal Breaker).
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, answer first for yourself, then ask yourself, how would you feel if your partner or a potential partner were to choose differently, or the opposite?
If reviewing with a partner and areas of disagreement arise, engage your sense of humor, remain calm, and discuss your differences civilly.
Whatever you feel about an entry, be careful not to underestimate the value of what may appear to be a petty or trivial issue. You’d be surprised, or maybe not, at how little it can take to start an argument, reveal a difference of opinion, or a discover a deal breaker. A discussion of these minor issues can sometimes be quite revelatory.
Keep in mind there are no absolutely right or wrong answers, just your subjective opinions expressed as a starting points for deliberation or discussion.
How Do You Get To The Truth
How do you handle a partner or potential partners's answers that may not be truthful?
The fact is everyone lies to some degree, by omission, exaggeration, and sometimes intent. Sometimes we do so to protect another’s feelings. At other times, we do so in an attempt to think well of ourselves.
It's also a fact that you may never know for sure if your partner is telling the truth. However, because of the comprehensiveness of this checklist, the unique structuring and ordering of the questions, inconsistent, perhaps deceptive answers will reveal themselves. At any rate, you will have a pretty good idea if your partner is being less than open and honest, or someone who, on balance, you can trust.
The question of course is can you ever really and truly know someone? Of course not, you only know them to the extent they want to be known, but this book, this checklist can get you closer than you could ever imagine.
What is the Goal & Purpose of This Site
Fix the couple, fix the world.
Fixing the world requires that we have to first fix the core unit, the starting point of all relationships, the “couple.” Happier marriages, happier children, happier, also, is everyone they touch. After all, how can we expect countries, which are but collections of families, to get along, when couples can’t, evidenced by an often cited 50% divorce rate.
If that’s not bad enough, consider that of those still married, many of them wouldn’t be, if it were not for the children, religion, money, insecurity of either or both partners, or some other obstacle to divorce?
My goal is to turn battlegrounds into playgrounds, cell mates into soul mates, in order to dramatically reduce the divorce rate and increase the happy marriage rate. How, by helping people make better relationship choices, and by saving relationships that need a little help. As an inevitable byproduct, the world will become less plagued with sarcasm, stone-cold silence, passive-aggressiveness, resentment, distrust, and anger. I believe this book can contribute to this goal by getting partners to engage in rare, open, honest communication.
Overall, the goal of my products is three-fold: 1. To help people be happy, happier, or less unhappy. 2. To help each of us feel good about ourselves. 3. To make the world a better, kinder, happier place. What more can you ask for?
How You Can Help
If you find my book sufficiently interesting, provocative, or enjoyable, I would love your support in helping to reduce the divorce and domestic violence rates and increase the happy marriage rate, either by buying the book or sharing this message. Either way, you will be part of a worldwide movement to help make the world a better, kinder, happier place.
Note 1:Bryna recorded a 9-minute audio introduction to The Mighty Mind Expanderwhere she explains what it was like to hear the words “you have ALS, a terminal disease with no cure on the horizon.” It’s thoughtfully and surprisingly upbeat. Give it a listen.
"This book about relationships is the most comprehensive guide to uncovering potential partnership issues due to differences in values, goals, needs or desires. Use this checklist to help you avoid the pitfalls that come with making poor relationship choices. Make it fun but get to the real issues of your potential partner's personality, and then decide, using the adult part of your brain, if you have enough in common to be in a fulfilling relationship, instead of discovering months or years later that you never really knew what you were getting into."
"Your book is such a great reference source. I use it extensively. It's easy to use, well organized, and the quote selections are fabulous. I recommend this book to anyone who is under time constraints, is a lifelong learner, and enjoys sharing great books."
- Gabriela Sadigursky, Social Security Administrator
"My name is Charlie. I am a 25-year-old young professional. When Mel first came to me about The Mighty Mind Expander, I was skeptical as I am of many preachy, self-improvement type seminars. After listening to the entire 90 minute program I was blown away.
Not only, does it not moralize, it doesn’t try to change the way you think. It will, however, put your thinking into clearer perspective.
The pacing was totally comfortable. His voice and timbre were calm and engaging, never forced. Being easy to listen to, and relevant to my day to day life, it not only helped me clarify my direction, it positively impacted my thoughts, emotions, feelings, and spirituality.
In the last 5 years, I’ve listened to at least 40 audio self-help products. This is by far the most helpful and most relevant of them all."
This unique website will not only motivate and inspire you, it will also help you…
Clear Your Mind
Rethink What You Think
Refine Your Unique Edge
Unleash Your Creativity
Expand Your Awareness
Re-energize and Refocus
Upgrade Your State of Mind
Become More Self-confident
Develop Your Psychological Resilience
Discover the Key to Premeditated Happiness
Solve Problems and Make Decisions More Wisely
Manage Relationship Conflicts More Effectively
Handle Criticism and Rejection More Intelligently
Handle Failures and Disappointments like a Mensch
1. ABOUT WHY NOT? PUBLICATIONS: Publications with a Why not? attitude. Founded in 1971, author/publisher of our past 40-hour live program, the Why Not? Seminar — compiler/author of our book... Quotations To Help You —From Out of Their Minds — publisher of the Relationship Compatibility Checklist, and our newsletter The Thinker's Edge, plus — author of The Mighty Mind Expander, an audio mini-seminar, and In Pursuit of a Miracle, an audiovisual love story.
2. Our products provide inexpensive, convenient, and effective ways to help you become more of the person you idealize yourself to be. The Mighty Mind Expander, our 90-minute audio program is an extremely condensed summary of what self-development is all about. So, comprehensive, and thought-provoking, most listeners think there's enough content here to fill an entire one-day or even a full-weekend seminar. It's your portal to new beginnings.
3. Read our books, and before you know it, you’ll be thinking like a professional motivator or life coach, the kind of person you'd want around in a crisis, someone who thinks clearly, calmly, rationally, goal-directedly, and optimistically.
4. For more reviews onThe Mighty Mind Expander, plus reviews from participants of our past, 40-hour, live seminar, click here.
5. Thank you in advance if you donated to the ALS and MD Associations. While you didn't get a bucket of ice dumped on your head, don't hesitate to do it, if an Ice Bucket Challenge comes to your area.